best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
