Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
