I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if only i could text you this smell
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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