Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
