I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
