the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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