oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
