Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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