If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
