So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
