He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
