I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am midnight drunk by noon
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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