FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
