well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize