Already got asked if we're dating
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
