Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
