I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
