when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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