Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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