fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
