We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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