bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize
