I just cut my nipple shaving
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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