Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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