try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
