my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
