She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
