There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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