just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Help. Why am I so naked?
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