he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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