Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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