I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
