How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
