After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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