Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
