Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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