We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
