Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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