You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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