Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
