I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
