Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't turn off my feet"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
