i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
