PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize