HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
