i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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