My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
