Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
