you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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