There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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