bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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