make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize