You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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