How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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