dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
