speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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