trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
