Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
