The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You ruined the universe
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
