Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
