why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
