I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
