Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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