Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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