You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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