K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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