We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
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The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?