she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My pussy is not your playground.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.