She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated