I hate your face
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
bring money and cleavage
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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