Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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