The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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