Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
