we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
